K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
