I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
