My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude. I can hear the air.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
