that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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