ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
