I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
