we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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