I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
