the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
