the day after is always just damage control
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
