i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
