Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
