Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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