She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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