this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
