Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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