so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
