i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
