If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
