you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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