dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
