smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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