i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
