i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
