i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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