I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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