You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
