Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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