I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
