Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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