We named our party play list daddy issues
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
