Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
