I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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