she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
