Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
