i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
