i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
being pregnant is like rehab
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
