WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
