I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't notice because vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize