maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
