Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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