Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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