did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
