he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
