somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize