my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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