I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
