I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
