So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
