I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
