I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
