WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's get the cat blown out
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
