Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
