i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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