He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
