Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
