A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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