how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
