He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
