she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
