I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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