he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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