Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I had to cum in my sink.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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