I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
