Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
