They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
