Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
