Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
