I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
