No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
