shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
