He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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