I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
