i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
