After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
