Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize