I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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