oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
