I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
