I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's shark week go big or go home
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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