I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so let's talk penis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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