i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
