I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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