Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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