Pregnant stripper...not hot.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
