I'm gonna have a badass scar
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he was CRYING into my vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
