Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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