I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
