Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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