What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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