Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
