so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
