Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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