I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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