Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
