those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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