woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
