there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
