Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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