The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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