in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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