i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
