I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
