I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
