Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
