I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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