I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
