it's not cheating when I paid for it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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