You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize