tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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